Things that keep me awake at night....

I have said before that it is very difficult for me to even go out in public and watch parents interact with their children, I have told you the story of when I stepped in quite passionately (some might say interfered, actually some did) for the child being hit by his dad, and I have mentioned to you how leashes on children make me cringe.

These are not just ravings of a complete lunatic (well, maybe a little). One of the main reasons I write this blog is to get this stuff out of my head and into writing. I need this blog. I need it because I don't have a school to run anymore as an outlet to help families, I need it to remind me of the parent I never want to become, but mostly I need it so I can attempt to sleep at night.

Let me give you an example of what it is like to be me. While visiting with another family, I watched the dad walk up behind his baby and wipe his nose startling the baby in the process. Not once did this happen, not twice, but three times. If I had not known better, I would have thought the dad was purposely trying to be a stealth agent whose main goal was a surprise attack. The fourth time it happened, I was holding the baby and he startled me in the process too. I told the dad that later on when he least expected it, I was going to walk up behind him, grab his face and wipe HIS nose!

Now I did say it in a rather funny joking tone because well I guess I was trying to get the point across in a way that would make the most impact. Those who know me well, know that I have always struggled with this. Most people don't say everything they are thinking. When it comes to children and parenting especially, I DO. People have told me often that I could make more impact by changing my delivery. You know, the whole you get more flies with honey concept. Over several years of learning the this the hard way, I do it somewhat better, but here is why I continue to struggle with it.

Lets say I was at my sisters house and I came up behind her when she wasn't expecting it and wiped her nose. Now knowing my sisters and their families everyone in the room would probably laugh hysterically, everyone except maybe my sister. But imagine that I repeated it over and over again. Eventually, people in the room would at the very least say, "Tracy, knock it off!" There may even be a few that thought it was immature and I am pretty damn sure my sister would be pissed. And no one would question those people who stood up for my sister, not one person.

Well, that father was the one who was irritated, it was all over his face. How dare I tell him how to raise his child? How dare I interfere? Why don't I just keep my mouth shut and mind my own business?

Because I can't! I cannot keep my mouth shut when people treat babies and children in ways no one would stand if it was happening to an adult. It boggles my mind that so many people see children abused or at least disrespected frequently by the ones who are suppose to love them the most.

This situation is probably one many people would not even notice. And if I am to be honest, it is not the worst thing in the world to do to your child. I choose this example because it illustrates my point well and because it is one most people would not think twice about. Some might step in if this father had hit his child, but many would not. Most people would step in for foul treatment of a dog before anyone would question a parent and child interaction. And just think about how many things we say to children that we would never utter to our best friends.

So I will continue to work on the phrasing of things, but I will not stop speaking up because when I keep quiet, it implies that the action was OK and I will not teach my son that it is OK to treat small people this way.

Maybe I worry too much... maybe I AM a lunatic... I know I offend people often!

To me I guess it is the price I pay for being me and for not allowing these things to simply tear me up inside.

And as for sleeping at night.... I don't see this coming any time soon.

Meanwhile, I will continue to write, to read, and to educate when given the opportunity. I will begin here. Over the next few months, I will be starting a parenting book review on my blog. Many of these will be reviews of my favorites, but I also want to read all those popular ones out there and give my two cents on those as well. It should be worth months of free therapy! Bring on the books!

Respect... it is not just for adults! (Part 2)

The other day I was driving my car down the road and I saw a sight that is all too familiar nowadays.

A mother pulling her child on a leash. You know what I mean, the "harness" designed to keep your child "safe".

Usually when I see this, the parent is at the very least walking behind the child or next to the child. This particular mother was actually pulling her child while she strutted, yes strutted, down the street in her huge Pretty Woman style sunhat and high heels. Her child was struggling to keep up and even tried to stop to look at a flower before being yanked away.

I almost turned my car around to have a little "discussion" with this "Mother", but I didn't and instead drove away feeling profoundly sad for this little girl. It made me wonder what adult personalities will be available to my son as his peers in his adult life. What issues will this child take away from this experience and how will effect her when she is a parent? Adding a cute dog, bear, or ugly character to the back of the harness does not fool the child out of knowing exactly what is happening to them.

Later that day, when we arrived home for naptime, I saw on my freecycle group, this posting:
OFFER: Toddler harness and leash
If your toddler is wearing this red Elmo harness, he can't run away as soon as you let go of his hand. I admit it is embarrassing to have your kid on a leash what with the public staring at you in horror, but if it keeps the kid from running into the street, it might be worth a try! (It didn't work for us; our kid found a way to wiggle out of it)

Oh boy, I have so much to say about this I don't even know where to begin!

1. Let me start by saying that I absolutely understand the fear of losing a person who makes your entire life worth living, a person whose entire well-being rests in your hands, and a person whom without you never thought this amount of love was even possible. I take all of those things very seriously and I do understand that a parent would do anything to keep there child safe. So unlike before, when I did not have my own child, I now understand the rationale behind the purchase of one of these items.

HOWEVER..........................

2. You are still dealing with a PERSON, a human being. I mean for goodness sake, I have seen many adults act more foolishly around a busy street than a lot of children. Why not put your husband in one of these too? I am not even all that fond of pulling an animal along on a leash, but your child? Some feelings just go so far beyond words for me.

3. And it doesn't even work for a child who is determined to get out of it!?!??! Are you serious? I am in deep admiration of that little kid who wriggled his way out of his Elmo Harness. He gives me hope that the human race, even the young sector will not stand for being treated horribly.

4. HOLD YOUR CHILD'S HAND! If you are a parent who has the child always dashing towards the street any opportunity he gets, I have some information for you. You are stronger than your child is. While it is your job to keep them safe it is also your job to keep him safe in a decent, respectful way. Hold their body if you have too while listening, explaining, etc... but I am sorry...
The leash is unacceptable.

5. I have an inkling that this product that is aimed to illicit the worst fears in parents in order to get them to open their pocket books also has an underlying appeal. I believe that it is an attempt to make a parents job "easier". By that I mean, the parent will not have to pay as close attention to the child. If I am right about this, then it makes me even more livid.

If you really don't want to share your outing with your child, get a babysitter.

Children learn about the world by exploring it slowly, curiously, and sometimes dangerously. They deserve our attention and our explanations. It is also our job to learn from them all that we have forgotten from our time as children. Stop and smell the roses with your child, have conversations, be present, and for goodness sake, stop treating children like dogs.