Settling in?

How are you settling in? The question I get asked most often now by our new neighbors and our friends we left behind. I'm not quite sure how to answer that because it really depends on the moment.

We have a lot to adjust too:
Josh has a new job, with new classes he has never taught before, he works more now because it is a boarding school and you have to be on duty, sometimes until 11pm.

E has gone from eating almost every meal with just me and Josh to eating every meal with 200 people. My child is not one who does well with noise and chaos to say the least and there are frequent outbursts of high pitched screaming that ensue.

I have gone from having a ton of friends I never could spend enough time with to having none. NONE.

I am filling our days with lots of rhythm and exploring our beautiful surroundings and it helps. There are times I look out my bedroom window and see the hills covered with white split rail fences, horses grazing under the oak trees and I think this was the right decision.

And then there are the days when all I want to do is see one of my friends, one that truly understands me and doesn't think I am a freak for cloth diapering or nursing my two year old, or even less being a stay at home mom.

I have to tell you that the hardships of this move have come down to frequency. Those we saw most frequently and the things we did most often are what we miss the most.

E misses Elias, Lala, Baby Charlie and Monty, and the farmers market.

I miss my playgroup, all the kids and amazing mamas there and if I am to be completely honest, I miss my friend Francesca. I feel like I have done something wrong by leaving her. Is that strange? Anyone who is lucky enough to have her for a friend as well probably knows a bit of what I mean. We have only been friends for a year, but we saw each other many times a week. We were the only ones each other fully trusted with the care of our children, and we knew all that was happening in each others lives living less than half a mile apart. But I know it is more than that. Proximity alone cannot build the bond we did in such a short time. I cannot read the book she gave to Elijah and I when we left without tears flowing... still... 2 months later.

Well, there are more obstacles to our adjusting fully, organic eating, less money, no doctors or midwives we cherish, we even miss our loud quirky neighbors. And we are saddened by the relationships that are not staying in touch, those we know are going to disappear for one reason or another.

So now I will go back to focusing on the parts we love about being here as I try to do each and everyday we are here, but I needed to get this out to all of you.

You are missed with all our selves. Come visit!

Goodbyes....

Long Beach has always held a special place in my heart. I went to school here as a child and when my mom moved my family away (for the final time) in the middle of high school, I was devastated. I am not even sure that is a strong enough word. Depression definitely set in for a while after that. I had very strong relationships here and my parental connections were extremely shaky so my friends were my family.
So when my husband and I bought a condo in Long Beach just before we got married, it was sort of like returning home and I felt at home again.
I knew this was not the city I wanted for my family long term and having a child like mine that needs space outdoors to RUN, the feeling of wanting to move away from here became stronger and stronger.

And now it is happening...

But those feelings from childhood are streaming back to me. My husband and I were talking about all the wonderful memories we have in our first home and all the things we will miss about this city we called home.
Things that made the list: Walking to all our favorite restaurants, taking the bus to the Queen Mary (or anywhere for that matter), being a block from concerts in the park, fireworks on the fourth, and the beach bike path that leads us to shoreline village or Belmont shore in just minutes.
And then of course, the memories in our condo include seeing that positive pregnancy test, talking about our child, picking out his name, laboring together in the wee hours of the morning to bring our baby into this world, bringing our little boy home here, watching him crawl and take his first steps.

And then there are the people, those tears have been right at the surface all week. We have so many people we love here, we even have doctors we adore. How do I do this again? How do I leave all those people who support me and my crazy ideas and move to a place where I know NOBODY.
This sadness is compounded by the fact that my son has made very strong connections here. People who love and adore him and that he loves and adores. So I feel in a way I am the one pulling him away now. Kind of ironic.

So all I can do is hope we have made the best decision for us as a family. I know every time Elijah asks for his friends there I will cry. I think we will all spend some time lonely and sad there for a while.

Thank you to Long Beach, NHBCNS, our birthing center, our doctors, and all those wonderful people we love so much.
Thank you for the memories. You have made our time here unbelievable!